5 things Channel 5's 'How to have a better orgasm' taught me about sex

The female orgasm has forever been a complex and misunderstood phenomenon, which is surprising considering a large percentage of the world’s population is in fact female. I’ve always wondered why for so long, the female anatomy was never deemed interesting or important enough to investigate. Shockingly, it was actually only in 1998 when the complete anatomy of the clitoris was even discovered, and still to this day a third of women don’t know what it looks like. I find this upsetting, that so many women have been robbed of the education of their bodies, that we’ve come second to men, and that so many of us are misled on how sex should feel. But without knowing enough about ourselves, we cannot expect to know how to experience pleasure, and that is something we are both entitled to and deserve.

1. That female masturbation is still a taboo

Masturbation has always been something deemed as a predominantly male activity, where it’s common knowledge that every man and young boy will be destined to ‘wank’ at some stage in life. There is no taboo (yes it might not be an appropriate dinner conversation amongst young ears) but masturbation is not an embarrassing or shameful subject matter, unless of course you’re a woman. Throughout history it was a belief that women are not permitted to experience pleasure, and even today a lot of women grow up with the thoughts of masturbation being ‘bad’ and are conditioned to think that it is ‘not something that girls do’. I for one definitely don’t feel fully comfortable talking about this subject & I’m certain that this is because society has painted masturabtion in this light in which women should keep it to themselves, we shouldn’t be talking freely about it and we shouldn’t be admitting to doing it. What’s funny is pretty much every woman WILL be doing it, and there is nothing wrong with self exploration. It is a private moment where you can figure out what you enjoy, whilst being safe and secure and learning more about your body (and let’s face it, usually you can give yourself a better orgasm than a man could give you anyway)

2. That pretty much every woman has faked an orgasm

Sorry boys...or maybe not so sorry? You see a lot of the reason behind why women fake an orgasm is to please the other person. By nature women definitely have more of a caring instinct, and a lot of women feel bad if their sexual partner isn’t pressing the right buttons. We don’t want to damage your confidence or ego, and therefore it definitely isn’t uncommon for a woman to be putting on an act. Then there comes the expectation that films and porn have visualised to us. Orgasms are seen as noisy, a lot of tossing and turning, screaming and miraculously reaching climax at the exact same moment as the male partner. This simply isn’t a realistic representation of how an orgasm is reached, and sadly for a lot of women this is all they know. If you’re faking an orgasm, it’s time to ask yourself why? Is this for your own enjoyment? Have you figured out enough about your body to know what you need in order to climax? Being open & communicating to your partner can also make a huge difference in distinguishing what it takes to make you both tick. Let’s leave the acting to the actors!

3. That schools definitely didn’t teach us anything

Female pleasure, female orgasms, masturbation, foreplay, basically anything other than straightforward penetrative sex was missing from the school curriculum. I don’t think my hour of putting a condom on a plastic penis prepared me for anything in life, and it’s shocking how we literally have an HOUR in about 18 years of education. I don’t think there is anything more important than knowing enough about your body, and also knowing enough about something like sex so that you can ensure you are having it safely and happily. In fact, I guess you could even argue that there is inequality in sex ‘education’ because the whole attention was around the penis. The proof lies in the fact that about half of British women cannot correctly label a diagram of the female reproductive organ, with a third of women not knowing what the clitoris looks like. A lack of education then results in things like porn being the teaching materials, of which unrealistic expectations, concerns over body image & major insecurities then arise.

4. That orgasms improve your mental health

There is an incredibly strong link between the mind and the female orgasm. A lot of the ladies interviewed throughout this documentary said that an orgasm left them feeling calm, relaxed, and at peace. Reaching an orgasm in the right environment can improve your mental health significantly, reduce anxieties and improve low moods. I found it really fascinating that women seem to view orgasms as more than pure sexual pleasure, it’s a moment where you can connect to your mind and be at one. If you struggle with getting to sleep or have poor sleep patterns in general, reaching an orgasm could also seriously improve this. On the flip side, around 40% of women struggle to reach orgasm and usually find that this is when their minds are overactive. A busy lifestyle, thinking of stresses, or even nervousness with regards to sexual performance are all factors that can seriously damage the ability to climax. Your body truly does work in harmony, if your mind is out of sync the rest will be!

5. That the orgasm gap exists

You may not believe it, but inequality even appears to lie within orgasming. Statistics from the show stated that 95% of men say they’ve experienced an orgasm, whereas only 65% of women state the same. Why is this? 

There’s a lot of reasons behind why less women are experiencing a ‘true’ climax, most of which is down to not knowing what a true orgasm is. Through areas aforementioned such as education from porn and films, and a lack of self exploration, women aren’t aware of HOW to orgasm. It’s also so important to ensure that within a sexual partnership that there is COMMUNICATION. Enough of men assuming what we enjoy, and enough of porn insinuating that penetrative sex results in an ‘explosive climax’ because newsflash….only around 30% of women claim to be able to orgasm through sex alone (no foreplay or other sexual stimulation). Through a mixture of poor communication, poor education, and poor support, the orgasm gap exists and we need to better these areas to close it.

If you want to watch a group of strong, brave and lovely ladies talk further on the power of the female orgasm, you can catch up here

I want every woman to know that her voice can change the world

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Image source: Instagram @dudettewithsign